Let's see where to start... Yesterday was a pretty numb day until church when it exploded out of me and I finally cried... We got the results yesterday to Hunter's MRI the good news first his skull looks beautiful and he will not need that surgery ever again!!! But later in life he may still need the jaw done and soon he will have to have another surgery for the eyes. But the bad news they found that he has acute ill-defined cereborvascular disease ( something about the blood not being able to circulate and causeing those veins to die in the brain, it is seen alot in stroke patients) we go see the neuro-surgeon later today to see how this is going to affect him and how to treat it. Also Addison gets checked at the same time as Hunter always because she came after Hunter and the Dr. just keeps a close eye on her, well she is going for an MRI as soon as I can get one scheduled her soft spot is now completely closed also and it shouldn't be so the Dr. doesn't think she would have the whole diagnosis of Hunter but just part of it the increased pressure in the brain. Which can be treated just as Hunter's was. Yesterday I just wanted to run away. I couldn't believe all the news I got and I was just numb I couldn't cry I actually laughed on the phone with my mom about it and she asked me what in the world was wrong with me.... No I don't think it is funny but I just couldn't put a grasp at that moment on it all. I couldn't help but ask God why? why is this happening? I told God I was done I couldn't handle anymore! I told him he was wrong he was giving more then I could handle! He said no!! I argued for almost an hour.... I didn't let it sink in til church last night in our fusion groups and the tears came I could barely talk, but I needed that and I still wonder why all this stuff has to keep happening but I know there is so much more for Hunter and Addison so much more for our family and all I can do is trust in God and be obdeient to him (even when I really don't want to) God has done so much for us (everyday). Through him all things are possible, and I won't give up!!!! On another note I did it guys I went and took my TABE test prior to finding all this out. It took about 2 hours not bad my dad kept the kids for me.... I passed the reading and language parts with a perfect score math on the other hand the applied math I did ok missed a couple but the math comp I did BAD so in two weeks I have to go re-take just the math part because I have to have a 12 in all areas of the test or they will not except me in the LPN program. Math is so hard always been a weak subject for me..... But I am doing it and my son is helping me he is encourageing me everyday (Devon of course) I am so proud to see the little man he is turning into. Again I ask for prayer for our family! Thank you!

Don't mess with my baby!

Why are kids so mean now adays???? My baby is starting to be teased about his weight and I hate it... I feel helpless and my baby is in pain! My baby is a little on the chunky side but I think he will grow out of it he eats good just not as active as most kids...It started Saturday actually during his party at the park some boys came over to him and started calling him some mean names, my son wouldn't eat nothing at his party not even cake (and if you know Devon that's crazy). I have always taught my son that you don't lash back at all... but now that we are actually dealing with bullying I want to tell him to knock them out (but I know that's not right). But then yesterday at school a boy in his class decided to call him names and push him around (what is wrong with kids????) Devon didn't lash back but he was really upset... I want to teach my son good values and to deal with situations the right way... I have told my son that first step is to ask the other child to please respect him and keep there hands to themselves and not to speak to them that way.... then to remove himself from being around that person if that is possible (like yesterday that wasn't possible for him they were in the lunch line) And then if the child doesn't stop go to a teacher or whoever is in charge.... is it wrong to tell my son that if he has done all of these things repeatedly and the child continues to harrass him that he can hit them back???? That is an awful question I know... I just really do believe that you can't let someone walk all over you over and over.... and I hate violence I really do just can't stand someone hurting my little man he is only 7 he shouldn't have to worry about little kids being mean like that... But he is a sweetie both days he got picked on those nights he prayed for the kids that had picked on him ( I overheard him telling God to help them, and that he knows he can't judge them cause he doesn't know what kind of life they have at home, that there mommy and daddy might not be like his) Things like this make me proud... I am apparently doing something right!

Let's see where to start... Friday was a nerve racking day first thing had to have Hunter at the hospital for his 3-D MRI and it is so dumb that they make you wait a week to get the results. You know you think after seeing Hunter put to sleep so many times that I would just be used to it... but far from it I still cry like a baby ( it's just so scary he takes this big breathe and he looks lifeless) But all was well as usual and we got home about one in teh afternoon. Then did the usual got Devon from school , cleaned, changed diapers, made dinner. Was suppose to start getting things ready for Devon's party but instead I layed down with Hunter and fell asleep watching Veggietales. (I sing those songs in my sleep!) So needless to say I woke up at 7 on saturday freaking outbecause I had not gotten anything ready for Devon's party... Thank God for my dad and Gary because they helped so much. We pulled it all off and got there in plenty of time to set up and relax. I had invited 86 people a little over half had rsvp'ed and about 15 people showed up... that was upsetting but Devon still had a blast so that is all that matters... ( but y do people tell you they will be there and not show up???????) So I have tons and tons of fruit, veggies, chips and hamburgers and hot dogs.... (but I do know people have things come up) Then Sunday just makes all the chaos disappear... missed choir practice and sunday school woke up late but service was great loved the change that the pastors made.... came home and was lazy all day... But I paid for it today I have been working my butt off all day to get my house caught back up!!!! Addison is mad at me cause I have had her locked up all day to clean (can't get nothing done when she is free) I am glad I have no more party's to plan till June (Hunter's) !!!! Party's are so much work but seeing my kids faces is so worth it.... My kids really are a blessing to me!!!! Well Love ya all!!! God Bless!!!!

Why does life have to be so hard?????

Haven't wrote in a couple days.... Just been so slammed! Yesterday was a good day as long as I wasn't home... I just wish I could stay at church all the time, I am so happy there. Then I get home which just instantly changes my upbeat attitude the second I walk in the door... I just can't wait till this situation changes!!!! But my word for this year is perseverance!!! And as hard as that is I know I can do it. I am a strong woman and I know that I have God on my side! I know this probably how alot of people feel but being a christian (actually trying to live a Godly life) and not just going through the motions is so much harder then liveing of the world. Why????? Why can't it be easier???? I know we all have our seasons but come on when is mine going to end???? Sorry I know all the answers to these questions but yet I can't help but think them. I just feel so exhausted and honestly sometimes feel like what is the point of all this, and how easy it would be to go back to the old me... but then I think how awful that was too... LIFE IS SO HARD AND CONFUSEING!!!!! I am probably makiing no sense today... my mind is going and going. I just want to have peace and not the noise kind of peace the peace within.... I feel like a failure and the more I try to fix things the more I fail... I pray and tell God I am giveing him these things but I don't think I really actually let them go..... It's hard!!! Gotta go kids are fighting (again)

Church was awesome last night as usual... except I had some things said to me that really made me feel like crap... I think I am a pretty good mom nt the most strict one but I don't let them get away with murder. But my little meltdown at choir practice came up and some of the advice that came my way I think I took offensive and don't think I fully agree with. I was just talking about how crazy it is to take my kids every where that it's especially hard with Hunter and Addison that I have to chase them around and I just get exhausted. But I was told that's my fault that my kids should know better and I should be able to just look at them. And I don't really know how to take that... my kids aren't bad they are just very active and Hunter is 2 and Addison is 1 so I don't agree with they should just be expected to sit in a chair and be happy about it... I don't know guess it bothered me a little. Anyway got some good advice yesterday Thank you so much Michelle!!! We are starting today with the award tickets Devon has to earn his time to play on the playstation or computer. But outside time he can do all he wants and I promised him at least an hour of my time a day. We are also working on the mouth (talking back, and the crying when told no to something). Today has actually been a pretty good day (except for the headaches) I have really been working on getting my house organized cause we are living in such tight quarters right now and things are going good I am going thru laundry and getting rid of tons ( you know the stuff that you swear you are gonna wear again but haven't worn it in years) and the kids are growing so fast it's unreal... I was upset though to find out the church reschuduled the garage sale on the day of Devon's b-day party! So I am gonna try to have one this saturday on my own to make a little money for Devon's b-day! TTYL

Not feeling so good today just one of those days nothing is really wrong just can't get myself motivated. (And have another headache I went and looked at glasses yesterday now it's just getting the money to pay for them). Hunter slept much better yesterday... Yesterday was actually a tough day with Devon... I am finding that I have made so many mistakes with him and boy are things hard to reverse... my son is addicted to video games!!! any it doesn't matter which one it's just all he thinks about every second of the day. So I am going to try a new system I am turning the video games into a reward, he is going to have to earn tickets (that give him like fifteen minutes at a time) I found these cute ones at the dollar store. ( I love the Dollar store, the one that everything is actually a dollar). I also found a play checkbook and play money so I am going to use these things to teach him. We talked about it last night but are going to put it in action when he gets home from school. He has money and is is always getting more from his grandparents and earning it. So I am going to be his bank and when he wants money he is going to have to withdraw it from the mommy bank.I think this will be a fun learning experience. If anyone has any tips about the videogames please help!!!!! I really need to get him outside playing (when I was a kid my mom had to drag me inside) and I have to drag him outside that is just so backwards!!! But he weight is becoming a concern (the doctors are really on me) He had his sleep study a couple weeks ago, and they found the reason he isn't sleeping is sleep apnea (which is partially due to his weight when he lays down) so I am trying to explain to him with out hurting his feelings that he needs to get more active... and that's the other thing he never stops eating!!!!! Help kids are so hard!!! But I am doing the best that I can!

Goodmorning to all! Got no sleep again Hunter thinks it's party time at night! But I am surpriseingly feeling good (kinda silly). Devon is home cause he has appointments today so he's happy. Hunter of course due to no sleep is in a awful mood! Addison is miss smiley! This morning in the wee hours when I was being tortured to watch veggie tales for the thousanth time... I was thinking about how far I have come in the past 2 years in all areas of my life... but I was thinking about the things I still need to do and things I just want to do.... I think this week I am going to set goals short term and long term and post them... so I want all of u to stay on my butt about putting them in action. First one is get the things done so I can start school, I need to take my TABE test and get my paperwork done. Everytime I say I am going to go take it something comes up and I don't get there. I am aiming for this wendsday. I know I can do this, I think I am scared so I keep avoiding it. I know it's going to be so much work on top of all that I already have to manage but I keep reminding myself it is only 14 months then me and my kids will have a comfortable life (financially). I so badly want to be able to support my kids on my own and not to have to rely on my family to help with everything. So I really want this. And my word for the year really fits perseverance!

Satan isn't going to get me!!!!

Didn't get to write yesterday it was just a emotionaly draining day. I have had alot of those lately.... But at the same time yesterday was a learning experience! I love my church family and I know they have offfered to help so much but I guess have let my pride and embarrassment get in the way of excepting that help. But at church yesterday during choir practice I had to... in tears I just felt like such a fauilure and tired of fighting with Hunter I just didn't have it in me. But haveing some very loveing people standing behind me telling me it's ok was what I needed. Michelle is one of the biggest inspirations in my life everyday if she can do it I can to!!!
Also hearing Pastor tell me that Hunter reminds her of her boys made me feel better, I feel so lonely sometimes... and people think I am crazy how could I be lonely with 3 kids...oh it's so easy I think at times that makes me even lonlier if that makes sense. Pastor had us pick a word for this year and mine is perseverance. Cause I know through God I can do this, I know it's not going to be easy but I CAN DO IT! And haveing the support that I have makes such a difference. I love being a part of as much as I can at church (even though it's hard cause my kids all have to go wherever I go) it just surrounds me with the things I need in my life! I thank my church family and my Pastors I love them all so much! Someone said to me yesterday that God has something big planned for my life cause satan is determined to bring me down. and I do believe that but guess what HE ISN"T GONNA GET ME!!!! I am going to get back to writeing everyday!!!