I know I haven't wrote in forever! Just haven't really want to talk about things... I think hopeing if I avoided thinking or speaking of things they would just disappear...(it doesn't work!) So where to start no word on Hunter right now, Easter sunday is comeing fast, but still have faith in God that Hunter is once again gonna be healed! Addison's test seem to be all comeing back normal YEAH!!! Couple more to go... Now the real stressful situation I don't think I have really talked about this at all but a few months ago I let my two youngest ones father move into our house because financially needed help bad and that is really that only way he will help me... (such a bad idea) I don't know what I was thinking, well I do I wanted my kids to be secure in where they live and have food and etc. what I didn't think about was what is was going to do to me... I choose not to be with this man due to the way he was to me and I guess I thought he had changed no he hasn't! He still just drains me of all energy... I could be on the biggest high from church and walk in the door and it's instantly sucked out of me by an insult thrown my way... which happens over and over so I finally asked him to leave last week I have agreed to give him a week or two to find a place but I'm worried about the bills again, I have been putting this in my prayers alot and no matter how much I could use his help I can't use his negetive and draining attitude to me. It doesn't just affect me it affects my little ones to! Devon has been the one that it is noticable with his attitude. And this is all just as friends! But on the other hand I have finally gotten a very dear friend to go to church!!!! YEAH!!!!! I have known him for two years, and have asked him numerous times to come to church with me and the kids... and I always got no way you will never get me to church! Well out of the blue about three weeks ago he asked more details about going I was so excited I was jumping up and down!!! And he likes it... This week has been so busy though with Kidzturn but man is it worth every moment... my kids are so excited about going it just makes me so happy! Hunter goes on and on about Elmer till he falls out... the first night he kept saying eat chicken save whopper over and over and over.... the second night it was him singing the bug song over and over...tonight he screams and kicked and threw a fit because he wanted to watch Elmer as he was going to bed (so I have to find out if I can video Elmer tommorrow for him to watch on a regular basis) because they don't have any videos foe sale I checked... but I love that my kids get so much joy out of worshiping the Lord it is awesome!!! And I think it is a blast to!!! Anyone that has not come yet there is one more night you shouldn't miss it! Starts at 7!

It's been a pretty good weekend except for late late last night Hunter was haveing a hard time breatheing so we ended up being up all night and I didn't wake up until 10:45 so I missed church which really sucks we never miss church.... but I think I really needed the extra sleep because I rarely sleep late even when I am able to. We had an awesome day yesterday we went to my Best friends sons b-day party and jumped in one of those jumpy things all day and hung out and laughed and joked around. ( Christina and Ben are the kind of friends thta no matter what we do it is the time of your life) They are just really good people and it's good clean friend and I really don't have many friends anymore due to the things they find fun I don't anymore... Devon stayed the night there so I was minus one child YEAH!!!!! And one of my good friends that I haven't hung out with in along time came with me to the party so that was cool to. It was just a great day. But I am so sore this morning from jumping in that thing, that is some good exercise!!! Well just wanted ti stop in a drop a few lines but I have to get back to cleaning, so I can sit down at 3:30 and watch the race gotta watch my Jimmie Johnson.... (He's the best!) Hope everyone had a great weekend also.... God Bless!

Let's see where to start... Yesterday was a pretty numb day until church when it exploded out of me and I finally cried... We got the results yesterday to Hunter's MRI the good news first his skull looks beautiful and he will not need that surgery ever again!!! But later in life he may still need the jaw done and soon he will have to have another surgery for the eyes. But the bad news they found that he has acute ill-defined cereborvascular disease ( something about the blood not being able to circulate and causeing those veins to die in the brain, it is seen alot in stroke patients) we go see the neuro-surgeon later today to see how this is going to affect him and how to treat it. Also Addison gets checked at the same time as Hunter always because she came after Hunter and the Dr. just keeps a close eye on her, well she is going for an MRI as soon as I can get one scheduled her soft spot is now completely closed also and it shouldn't be so the Dr. doesn't think she would have the whole diagnosis of Hunter but just part of it the increased pressure in the brain. Which can be treated just as Hunter's was. Yesterday I just wanted to run away. I couldn't believe all the news I got and I was just numb I couldn't cry I actually laughed on the phone with my mom about it and she asked me what in the world was wrong with me.... No I don't think it is funny but I just couldn't put a grasp at that moment on it all. I couldn't help but ask God why? why is this happening? I told God I was done I couldn't handle anymore! I told him he was wrong he was giving more then I could handle! He said no!! I argued for almost an hour.... I didn't let it sink in til church last night in our fusion groups and the tears came I could barely talk, but I needed that and I still wonder why all this stuff has to keep happening but I know there is so much more for Hunter and Addison so much more for our family and all I can do is trust in God and be obdeient to him (even when I really don't want to) God has done so much for us (everyday). Through him all things are possible, and I won't give up!!!! On another note I did it guys I went and took my TABE test prior to finding all this out. It took about 2 hours not bad my dad kept the kids for me.... I passed the reading and language parts with a perfect score math on the other hand the applied math I did ok missed a couple but the math comp I did BAD so in two weeks I have to go re-take just the math part because I have to have a 12 in all areas of the test or they will not except me in the LPN program. Math is so hard always been a weak subject for me..... But I am doing it and my son is helping me he is encourageing me everyday (Devon of course) I am so proud to see the little man he is turning into. Again I ask for prayer for our family! Thank you!

Don't mess with my baby!

Why are kids so mean now adays???? My baby is starting to be teased about his weight and I hate it... I feel helpless and my baby is in pain! My baby is a little on the chunky side but I think he will grow out of it he eats good just not as active as most kids...It started Saturday actually during his party at the park some boys came over to him and started calling him some mean names, my son wouldn't eat nothing at his party not even cake (and if you know Devon that's crazy). I have always taught my son that you don't lash back at all... but now that we are actually dealing with bullying I want to tell him to knock them out (but I know that's not right). But then yesterday at school a boy in his class decided to call him names and push him around (what is wrong with kids????) Devon didn't lash back but he was really upset... I want to teach my son good values and to deal with situations the right way... I have told my son that first step is to ask the other child to please respect him and keep there hands to themselves and not to speak to them that way.... then to remove himself from being around that person if that is possible (like yesterday that wasn't possible for him they were in the lunch line) And then if the child doesn't stop go to a teacher or whoever is in charge.... is it wrong to tell my son that if he has done all of these things repeatedly and the child continues to harrass him that he can hit them back???? That is an awful question I know... I just really do believe that you can't let someone walk all over you over and over.... and I hate violence I really do just can't stand someone hurting my little man he is only 7 he shouldn't have to worry about little kids being mean like that... But he is a sweetie both days he got picked on those nights he prayed for the kids that had picked on him ( I overheard him telling God to help them, and that he knows he can't judge them cause he doesn't know what kind of life they have at home, that there mommy and daddy might not be like his) Things like this make me proud... I am apparently doing something right!

Let's see where to start... Friday was a nerve racking day first thing had to have Hunter at the hospital for his 3-D MRI and it is so dumb that they make you wait a week to get the results. You know you think after seeing Hunter put to sleep so many times that I would just be used to it... but far from it I still cry like a baby ( it's just so scary he takes this big breathe and he looks lifeless) But all was well as usual and we got home about one in teh afternoon. Then did the usual got Devon from school , cleaned, changed diapers, made dinner. Was suppose to start getting things ready for Devon's party but instead I layed down with Hunter and fell asleep watching Veggietales. (I sing those songs in my sleep!) So needless to say I woke up at 7 on saturday freaking outbecause I had not gotten anything ready for Devon's party... Thank God for my dad and Gary because they helped so much. We pulled it all off and got there in plenty of time to set up and relax. I had invited 86 people a little over half had rsvp'ed and about 15 people showed up... that was upsetting but Devon still had a blast so that is all that matters... ( but y do people tell you they will be there and not show up???????) So I have tons and tons of fruit, veggies, chips and hamburgers and hot dogs.... (but I do know people have things come up) Then Sunday just makes all the chaos disappear... missed choir practice and sunday school woke up late but service was great loved the change that the pastors made.... came home and was lazy all day... But I paid for it today I have been working my butt off all day to get my house caught back up!!!! Addison is mad at me cause I have had her locked up all day to clean (can't get nothing done when she is free) I am glad I have no more party's to plan till June (Hunter's) !!!! Party's are so much work but seeing my kids faces is so worth it.... My kids really are a blessing to me!!!! Well Love ya all!!! God Bless!!!!

Why does life have to be so hard?????

Haven't wrote in a couple days.... Just been so slammed! Yesterday was a good day as long as I wasn't home... I just wish I could stay at church all the time, I am so happy there. Then I get home which just instantly changes my upbeat attitude the second I walk in the door... I just can't wait till this situation changes!!!! But my word for this year is perseverance!!! And as hard as that is I know I can do it. I am a strong woman and I know that I have God on my side! I know this probably how alot of people feel but being a christian (actually trying to live a Godly life) and not just going through the motions is so much harder then liveing of the world. Why????? Why can't it be easier???? I know we all have our seasons but come on when is mine going to end???? Sorry I know all the answers to these questions but yet I can't help but think them. I just feel so exhausted and honestly sometimes feel like what is the point of all this, and how easy it would be to go back to the old me... but then I think how awful that was too... LIFE IS SO HARD AND CONFUSEING!!!!! I am probably makiing no sense today... my mind is going and going. I just want to have peace and not the noise kind of peace the peace within.... I feel like a failure and the more I try to fix things the more I fail... I pray and tell God I am giveing him these things but I don't think I really actually let them go..... It's hard!!! Gotta go kids are fighting (again)

Church was awesome last night as usual... except I had some things said to me that really made me feel like crap... I think I am a pretty good mom nt the most strict one but I don't let them get away with murder. But my little meltdown at choir practice came up and some of the advice that came my way I think I took offensive and don't think I fully agree with. I was just talking about how crazy it is to take my kids every where that it's especially hard with Hunter and Addison that I have to chase them around and I just get exhausted. But I was told that's my fault that my kids should know better and I should be able to just look at them. And I don't really know how to take that... my kids aren't bad they are just very active and Hunter is 2 and Addison is 1 so I don't agree with they should just be expected to sit in a chair and be happy about it... I don't know guess it bothered me a little. Anyway got some good advice yesterday Thank you so much Michelle!!! We are starting today with the award tickets Devon has to earn his time to play on the playstation or computer. But outside time he can do all he wants and I promised him at least an hour of my time a day. We are also working on the mouth (talking back, and the crying when told no to something). Today has actually been a pretty good day (except for the headaches) I have really been working on getting my house organized cause we are living in such tight quarters right now and things are going good I am going thru laundry and getting rid of tons ( you know the stuff that you swear you are gonna wear again but haven't worn it in years) and the kids are growing so fast it's unreal... I was upset though to find out the church reschuduled the garage sale on the day of Devon's b-day party! So I am gonna try to have one this saturday on my own to make a little money for Devon's b-day! TTYL